fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
