Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
