Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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