i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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