wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
