Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
