I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
