The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize