I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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