i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
