Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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