I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
