i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
