I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
