found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
