Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
