summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
