So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
