Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
