Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
