I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize