I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
