I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think your dad took our porno
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
