i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
