but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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