She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
