I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
