Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
