I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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