This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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