idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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