I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
