I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
