I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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