I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
