I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize