i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
