the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
