Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
