apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
