Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
