My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorry my hands just texted you
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
