Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
