I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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