his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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