just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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