In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
