dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
