i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
