I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
