he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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