im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
