put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
