Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
