so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize