how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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