Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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