the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
