Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize