I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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