better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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