Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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