do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
