We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
